Archive for July, 2009

I’m taking a short break from personal finance books and have turned to studies on interpersonal skills. What I’ve come across is a book about coercion and manipulation.

It’s called Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B Cialdini. He’s an experimental psychologist, so he knows his stuff (as much as anyone can in the social sciences).

Why would I want to learn about such an unpalatable subject as emotional manipulation? Well, I want to learn about the tactics used by salesmen and the like to get me to do things I don’t want to. I want to learn how to protect myself from their jedi mind tricks.

And the book is delivering. The section I just finished discusses one of the tactics of influence, which the author gives the title of reciprocity. A law of our culture (and every culture in the world, the author asserts) is that if someone gives you something, you are indebted to him and should give back in kind–you should reciprocate:

…there is a general distaste for those who take and make no effort to give in return, we will often go to great lengths to avoid being considered one of their number. It is to those lengths that we will often be taken and, in the process, be “taken” by individuals who stand to gain from our indebtedness.

The author uses an interesting example to show how the tactic of reciprocity is used to part people from their money. The Hare Krishnas are a religious group that solicit people in public places, often airports, for money. They give out “gifts” such as flowers or pamphlets which they refuse to let the receiver return, then ask the victim for a donation. The victim, after receiving the gift, no matter how unwanted, feels indebted to the solicitor and often gives a small donation.

Concessions as Reciprocation

The general rule [of reciprocity] says that a person who acts in a certain way towards us is entitled to a similar returned action…[Another variation of the rule] is an obligation to make a concession to someone who has made a concession to us.

The author uses an example from his own life to illustrate the rule of concession as reciprocation. He was out for a walk one day and was approached by a Boy Scout. The Boy Scout asked him to buy a $5 ticket to a Boy Scout circus. Not wanting to spend a Saturday evening with the Scouts, he declined. The youth then asked him, “Well, if you don’t want to buy any tickets, how about buying some of our big chocolate bars? They’re only a dollar each.” The author bought two of them.

The author then explains that since the Boy Scout made a concession to him (in accepting his rejection of the first offer), he was then obliged to make a concession to the Scout (in accepting his second offer). They exchanged concession for concession, as deemed necessary by how we humans interact. This tactic is used all the time by sales representatives.

They make a request that they know is a bit too extraordinary, one they know you will reject. Then they go in for the kill and make the request that they wanted in the first place. The salesperson knows that, according to societal norms, you are more likely to accept the second offer.

Now you know the trick, don’t be a victim.